Coming Home, part 1

It is my last week in Gulu, that dusty town in northern Uganda where I’ve come to feel at home. In many ways, I have less understanding of this place than I thought I once did. I have no bottled answers or final resolve in having “figured it out”. Instead, 14 months later, I uncomfortably and graciously accept a weightless position with my feet above my head, rather than standing in conquered triumph on Uganda’s highest peak. My time here was marked by different periods of thought where I believed I unlocked the secrets of this place only for those conclusions to be proved inconsistent or wrong. Only one underlying truth flowed beneath all periods and progressions (and regressions) of my time here; we must believe that joy is possible and that it matters.

Last week, my friend died in America. His mind beat him and beat him and beat him until he gave into its most possessive hyperactivity. In a moment of panic against what seemed impossible to beat, he silenced his mind….and the beating stopped. But it started for the rest of us. We now beat ourselves for what we could have done. The beat intensifies in a thousand homes in suburban America, as we see the underside of the dream. Meanwhile the beat goes on. Deep in East Africa, men and women idolize the American dream. It is wonderful to fathom- freedom, money, land, and the pursuit of happiness. Across that distant ocean, we look to be wealthy and successful. On the surface, Africa seems to have much larger problems in life. After all, it is plagued with poverty, an inescapable obstacle of its environment. However, in our modern culture, an invisible, undetectable and equally inescapable obstacle plagues our environment. Many of us, (including myself) live in mental and emotional poverty. Unbeknownst to the Ugandans who share this paper-thin slice of history with us, amongst our wealth and development, we are suffering a much deeper despair.

To revive the richness of life, we need to put joy back on our shelf of life priorities, a bottled jar, placed amongst “work ethic” and “family”, “achievement” and “pleasure.” Let us make joy happen just as much as our next business deal, or dinner date, or life goal. Some might argue that Ugandans should take life more seriously, but no one lives in more serious conditions than those of northern Uganda - and they believe in joy. They work for it. They exercise it. They make time out of their day for it. Even Jolly Okot, Country Director of Invisible Children, who has over 8,000 Ugandan lives hanging in her hands every month, will call people into her office during the day to make her laugh. She will walk the halls at 4:30 and joke with each employee, often shrieking for air in between her fits of laughter.

I don’t know if you’ve tried recently, but it takes a whole lot to laugh whole-heartedly. Trust me, for the last year I have tried to adopt this Ugandan talent. I would attempt to balance my American work ethic, while saving the laughing for reserved times when I didn’t have something else on my mind, but it doesn’t work that way here. A Ugandan has the developed skill to do both at once; to release joy straight from the heart and not rush the moment of pleasure that unfurls. Try it. It is almost impossible for most Westerners, myself included. It takes lightness, and presence in the moment. It takes joy.

Ugandans may seem underdeveloped and poor on the surface, but that is small matter, (seriously) compared to our (including myself) social poverty. The suffering we endure on the inside from social pressures and seriousness. This week, 14 days after my friend’s death, I have been dwelling in the dark room of sorrow. Burrowed deep, it has taken and still takes a lot to leave this room of despair, frustration, and waiting in line at the “unfair” complaint office without a receptionist. I don’t want to ever forget this friend, but he will be remembered just as well in the next room over where thousands of Ugandans are standing around with smiles to greet me and you. Let us find the courage to join them. Let us believe it is possible to find joy in the everyday, in the stress, in the despair, in the chaos. In the twenty-year war that has robbed each family of at least one beloved. We are all in it together. Let us learn from our rich brothers and sisters in Uganda. A culture that can exhibit this joy holds wealth beyond any material development in modern culture. Let us rediscover its value.